


Goodbye Cas.

by Underscoredeanna



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angel Castiel (Supernatural), F/M, Hurt Dean Winchester, M/M, Men of Letters Bunker (Supernatural)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-12
Updated: 2020-11-12
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,591
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27529306
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Underscoredeanna/pseuds/Underscoredeanna
Summary: This is my personal interpretation of what I think would happen after season 15 episode 18.
Relationships: Castiel/Dean Winchester
Kudos: 15





	Goodbye Cas.

**Author's Note:**

> Hello! Thank you for clicking, I am currently writing this off my school computer xD ('0_0) Very weird to be uploading my very first Ao3 fic on my school computer. I usually read over it a few times (I only did once) but I really wanted to post before tonights episode! :3 I am very excited to be uploading my first fic today, It has taken me a few hours over this past week to write this, so I apologize for any spelling errors or anything like that but that's all. I hope you enjoy.

Dean was sitting in the dungeon letting his carefreeness take over. His phone buzzing through the silence, he was alone. Defeated. The phone finally rang through, and the room was still. He kept eyeing at the door and it’s broken fragment. Dean was destroyed as if someone had just stabbed him various different times around his whole body, but no this was a new kind of pain, one that he had never felt before. When Cas died years ago it hurt, Dean was self destructive; this somehow felt worse than the others. This time it carried a whole new burden and a new meaning as to what was next. This was in fact dreadful. He felt despondent. He was swimming in despair, and stuck in a pit too deep to climb out of. He had been frozen to that spot in the floor for hours, exactly where Cas left him along with the bloody handprint on his Jacket. Where Dean met a sudden pain that was unimaginable, the undesirable end of Cas. He could see Cas’ face, the love, the happiness, and Dean still felt that compassion in his soul; the mark it made. Warm tears flowed down his face making his vision blurry, his breathing hitched. The words taunting him like a fly buzzing around. Wondering why he didn’t try and stop Cas, that thought kept cutting through his brain, they echoed as if he was deep into a tunnel. He blamed himself for it all, he wanted Cas to be here with him. Cas died to save him, Dean would feel as if this was his fault forever, but it was what Cas wanted. Dean just wanted to kill the sound. The bunker was silent yet full of sound. The only noises that could be heard where Dean’s sobs and the phone buzzing once again. Sam was calling, Dean felt as if everything was unbearable, the smallest thing was hard. He couldn’t even lift a finger to silence the phone. The silence again but for a few hours, Sam had given up calling. Dean felt so small in this room alone, without Cas. He waited in silence other than his thoughts until Sam where to arrive home. 

Sam ran through the bunker yelling, “Dean!” He was so worried about his brother and their bestfriend. He ran through the broken door stepping on the fragments of wood, they snapped each time Sam took a step. The noise made Dean flinch, squeezing his eyes shut letting a tear slide down his face; they were for the most part run dry. His eyes were sore and full of pain, there were no more tears left to cry, only silent weeps. Dean’s eyes glanced up to see his brother. He bounced up glad to see him, his presence comforting. Sam examined his brother to make sure he was okay, then spotted the bloody handprint of Dean’s shoulder eyes darting back to Dean’s face. 

“Dean… Where is Cas?” Dean looked into his eyes giving him a look of confirmation that Cas was indeed gone, and for good this time. No getting him out no Chuck repairing the broken angel. They were silent as Sam engulfed Dean in a hug, they both lost people they love. This was an unimaginable hurt, they both experienced losing everyone but each other and Jack; this was their family. Dean looked over to Jack releasing Sam from the hug. 

“H-He’s really gone?” Jack asked with a numb voice. Dean nodded silent, the tears never stopped falling from his eyes; although his eyes were dry the tears found their way back like a river to a stream. His hands were sweating, and his voice frail from crying.

“Yea… He is Jack.” Dean said softly, “Don’t blame yourself, that's my job.” Dean attempted to make a joke but failed. He looked to the floor, reflecting on how stupid he sounded. 

“But Dean if I went instead he wouldn’t be gone.”

“No, no either way Death would’ve come for me… Cas died to save me, and I can't forgive myself for that. I am so stupid how did I not know that he made a deal with the empty.”

“That’s our Cas,” Jack smiled, “He would do anything for you.” 

“Yeah surely is.” Dean hugs Jack for the first time since Dean came back after Michael possessed him. 

“Dean… What about the empty and Cas? Did cas say anything specific?” Sam asked curiously. 

“Uh…”

“You don’t have to tell me, it’s okay.”

“No it’s okay… He said a lot, it was just a lot that’s all.”

Sam looked at Dean worried immensely he did not want Dean back in the place he was when Lucifer killed Cas. He wanted to help his brother, he just didn’t know how. 

Jack was upset you could visually see it. He missed Cas and didn’t get a goodbye.

“I-I am going to take a walk for a minute.” Jack said monotonically.

“Okay Jack.” 

“Dean, I just lost Eileen and now we lost Cas, I don’t understand. Why would Chuck get rid of both of them? Since everyone lost the one they loved, like Charlie lost her girlfriend, but why would you lose Cas…” Sam stopped and then it finally clicked, “Oh… I didn’t realise…”

“I love him Sammy and I did not tell him that. He died thinking I didn’t love him... I was just so confused about the deal and then he told me all these things, he said he loved me Sammy... Then he was gone so quickly.”

“What was the empty deal dean?”

“He traded his own life for Jack’s, and when Cas found true happiness the empty would take him forever. I-I was his true happiness, just telling me how I impacted him made him happy enough for the empty to take away. Along with Death. She came after Me and Cas voluntarily gave himself to the empty so he could save me and god-no fuck god- I will never forgive myself Sam. We can not get him out of the empty, Chuck wouldn't even bother to help us.”

“Oh,” Sam didn’t say a word. This was so much information that it was hard for Sam to process. He could not imagine how hard it was for Dean to understand what was happening and this all happened whilst Cas was leaving. 

“We’ll find a way to get him back Dean, We will save Eilien and get everyone back including Cas okay.”

“Sam… We can not bring him back,” He turns away biting his lip in anger, “That was part of the deal… The empty will take him forever.” He tensed giving a jittery sigh.

“It doesn’t matter what the Deal was, we will get him back, a deal has never stopped us from getting people back.”

It was silent, "I'm going to the bathroom."

"Alright..." Sam mumbled as Dean turned and walked out the broken door. 

Dean made his was to the bathroom, instead he found himself alone in his room pacing, he was trying to get this frustration out healthily but knowingly he knew all that would be followed would be violent outbursts. 

Dean screamed to the empty and still air, “Chuck! Why did you let this happen… oh right we’re your favorite show!” His tone screamed a sort of cynical. He was sardonic.

“and damn I'm so sick of being your favorite show... you watch from afar you let me suffer you let me watch the people I love die!” He could feel the hot tear rushing down his face, the bunkers air chilling them as soon as they fell from his eyes. 

He started to punch the rough brick wall. He exhaled with aggression, “damn it! Why does this have to happen to me? Why do I have to lose the ones I love? Over and over, I’ve lost everyone! Why chuck? You made me watch as Cas died so many times, again and again. I found Charlie dead in a bathtub! How is any of this okay?” His hand was red; before he knew anything his hand was covered in his own blood. It ached but Dean, he didn’t mind the pain, at least he wasn’t numb… He wanted to feel happy again, he wanted to be with Cas again. He walked over to his drawer grabbing a rag wiping the blood from his hand. He then went to look under his bed searching for his shoe box. He took the box sliding it out from under the bed. He opened the lid looking for the photos and miscellaneous things people had given him. He found a photo of Cas in the cowboy hat, smiling Dean set it on the table. 

“Chuck…” there was no response, he cried, “why? Did you write this in your book, to make me suffer.”

Dean laid his head down on his pillow, the pain setting in once again, although it had never stopped, it was more evident Now. From now on he would pray to Cas every night wishing his angel would know that he was in fact loved.

Dean called out to the open air, “I love you too Cas” Dean prayed hoping that Cas could hear him in the echoes of the empty, gripping his hair he continued, “I am so sorry I didn’t say it back. I love you. It’s not unrequited it’s never been...” He felt a tear glide down his face like butter on a hot pan. With that Dean’s head cleared, somehow he left more hope.

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading! Please leave a comment and tell me what you think of this! I might continue it, if you'd all like! It means the world to me that you have read this!  
> 11/12/20


End file.
